Thursday, August 14, 2014

Can I "have it all?"

There is a pull deep within me, that I dare-to-say I was born with. One that I really really don't want to look past. One that I don't want to let go.

I don't just want real foods.

I don't just want local foods.

I don't just want NON-GMO foods.

I don't just want organic foods.

I don't just want cloth diapers.

I don't just want a prosperous garden.

I don't just want a small orchard.

I don't just want to be debt free.

I don't want any of this separately. 

I want it all.

Meaning, I don't want to be a cloth diapering momma. I don't want to be a locavore. I just want to be me. I'm not wanting to be defined. Every every every every thing is defined. I just want to be connected. No, I'm not trying to define by not defining or any of that nonsense. I'm just saying when I walk into a warehouse store I feel like I've entered some sort of time warp. I know I'm not making any sense. I'm not really writing this for anyone but myself. I want what matters to me to actually be what I do. To flesh-out these desires. And yet I'm being called to be a momma, which consumes so much of my time. So so much of my energy and in which I reap so much joy and am able to see how I am so desperately in need of Jesus. So, Jesus, you know my heart. You know my desires. You know that I long to be connected with your beautiful Earth. Show me Your will Jesus. Make sense of my desires. Order them to aim towards Heaven. Let me heart be attuned to Your voice calling me.

Friday, August 1, 2014

My Boys

My dear little boys,
You are so special to me. I'm so excited that you have each other. Rita is just as crazy about the both of you. Jo, she introduces you as "my friend, JoJo!" And Em, she kisses you until your face is covered with kiss..residue (spit). Dada is over the moon for you both. I have thought of ending this little blog but I want to keep a journal for you. And do you know a dear old priest encouraged me to record your sweet childhood? And so I will continue. I love you my boys. My heart swells with joy.